By Joel Magalnick, JTNews Correspondent
The rabbinical student knows all about surviving domestic violence. So does the housewife, who, for the first time, stood in front of a crowd of more than 450 to tell her story about how she escaped her abusive marriage. These testimonials launched a three-day symposium — the first ever — held specifically to address the issue of domestic violence in the Jewish community.
The conference, held July 20–22 in Baltimore, reached across the country to Seattle for many of its resources in pulling off the event. Rabbi Cindy Enger, the director of the Jewish program at The Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence, was on the planning committee and gave a keynote speech at the opening plenary.
“It really was an amazingly diverse, spirited event,” said Rabbi Enger of the conference.
“Every point of view — Orthodox and secular, lay and professional, survivor and service provider, medical and spiritual, gay and straight — was shared and respected among this incredibly diverse group,” said Loribeth Weinstein, executive director of Jewish Women International and sponsor of the conference..
“Pursuing Truth, Justice and Righteousness: A Call to Action,” the title of the event, brought in people from around the world, including Canada, Argentina, Israel, Great Britain, South Africa, and the United States.
Michelle Lifton is project coordinator of Jewish Family Service’s Project DVORA, which enables survivors of domestic abuse to escape their situations and gives them resources to start their lives over.
For Lifton, the conference brought together two distinct but separate groups: the Jewish community and the domestic violence counseling community.
She said the counseling community can be wonderful and supportive, but they don’t always have a Jewish response. On the other hand, Jewish organizations that have not dealt with domestic violence issues can provide valuable information, but not always in ways that help with abuse.
“To network and meet other people who are doing this work in such a specific context was inspirational,” Lifton said, and added that it “has given Project DVORA particularly some really good directions for what we want to do next.”
Approximately 75 seminars were offered at the conference, with a diverse array of subjects.
One focus was on religious communities, which has its own set of issues. Women in these communities who suffer abuse are faced with what Lifton called false choices.
“Does she stay within her culture…that has historically always provided not just a sense of community and spirituality, but a sense of identity?” Lifton asked. “Or to get safe [does] she need to reject all that is part of who she is?”
Lifton added that oftentimes the perpetrator turns the community against his partner, or forbids his partner from practicing Judaism at all.
A presentation called “Raising Boys to Become Mensches,” by Bay Area activist and author Paul Kivel, spoke about rooting out domestic violence and teaching young men it is not acceptable — essentially heading off the abuse before it begins.
An Israeli actress, Naomi Ackerman, travels around the world raising awareness about domestic violence in Jewish communities. She performed a play, Flowers Aren’t Enough.
“Again,” said Lifton, “new ways of getting the message across but also new ways of working within our communities so that…our response is going to be appropriate.”
Lifton noted, however, that the solutions to fighting abuse often come from those who receive it.
“We need to keep listening, to deepen our understanding of the problem and our solutions to the problem,” Lifton said.
Lifton and Rabbi Enger both presented seminars as well. Rabbi Enger, whose agency does not provide direct service, but educates clergy on how to work with survivors, led a discussion on using the synagogue community to hold an abuser accountable.
“One of my focus areas is how to involve and educate rabbis on the issue,” Rabbi Enger said. “Raising awareness among rabbis that this is an issue confronting our communities, and engaging in training on how rabbis can be effective in helping to respond.”
Lifton said she applied to present a session on the Passover haggadah with Project DVORA co-worker Alison Iler. The haggadah and a survivors’ seder was developed and been used in Seattle since 2000. Lifton’s application was accepted, and JWI requested that she present two more sessions.
While she said she was honored to have been asked, Lifton said the Seattle area’s depth of knowledge and research on the subject has made her job easier. Many participants at the JWI conference either came from Seattle or had done a lot of work on domestic violence in the area before moving on.
“We’re spoiled with the level of expertise and wisdom that’s here,” Lifton said. “These people are recognized nationally — if not internationally — for the work that they do.”
Rabbis Drorah Setel and Lisa Gelber, both of whom no longer live in the area, were among the first to bring the issue of domestic violence to the Jewish community, as was Leigh Nachman Hofheimer from the Washington State Domestic Violence Alliance.
Other conference participants from the area included Irit Eliav, a community advocate at the Eastside Domestic Violence Program; Connie Burk, director of the Northwest Network of Bisexual, Trans, Lesbian, and Gay Survivors of Abuse; and activist Julie Kaufman.
At the core of the conference was a “Call to Action,” which focused on informing the Jewish community of the domestic violence problem, as well as working with the communities to address the issue. Future action includes an assessment of needs across the nation as well as a commitment to continue to fight violence.
“How will we make our [communities] places that are accountable to others, so we are holding those who perpetrate abuse also accountable?” Rabbi Enger asked. “I think it will be sustained by ongoing followup and communication.”
Rabbi Enger said the planning committee is already making plans for a followup in 2005. A $450,000 grant from the Dept. of Health and Human Services will help that process along. Regardless, Rabbi Enger thinks this first conference was a huge success.
“I think that there are moments — lifecycle moments — that people’s lives get changed forever. I really don’t think it’s too farfetched [to say] that this was a moment for the Jewish community,” she said. “Now what we do it is up to us.”