By Manny Frishberg, JTNews Correspondent
When someone comes down with cancer or another serious illness, it’s impact goes well beyond just that one person. Indeed, the effects ripple out through family and friends in ever-widening circles. When that person is also the parent of young children, it can shake his or her world completely. The person that that child looks to as a tower of strength is weakened, and often preoccupied with his or her own needs. Moreover, the very foundation of the family and its security is made much less stable since the very someone the children rely on to make everything alright can suddenly become powerless to give them that assurance and support.
Figuring out how to talk with their children about the illness they are experiencing, and finding ways to rebuild or shore up their foundation of support is yet another thing parents have to cope with while concurrently making plans for treatments and whatever eventualities they may face. To help them do that, Jewish Family Service is sponsoring a workshop in early April to speak to that unique need.
Marjorie Schnyder, director of Family Life Education at JFS, says that the need for help on that issue is something that the organization has recognized for quite some time; they have received a number of requests for help in dealing with it. It is one of several areas she says the agency wants to expand into, as highlighted in their strategic planning process. Now, thanks to a grant from the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle, JFS is beginning a pilot program this year to test the waters and to find the best ways to address this and other issues they have identified.
“[The] healing programming is part of the JFS Strategic Plan to provide evolving services to meet the changing needs of [the] community,” Schnyder said.
Because they found a particular need for this type of program among members of Temple De Hirsch Sinai, JFS has partnered with the synagogue to run the pilot project. The first workshop, “Helping Families Through A Narrow Place: When Mom or Dad Is Very Ill,” will be held at TDHS in Bellevue on Monday, April 7. The workshop will be facilitated by two nursing professionals from Cancer Lifeline’s Family Support Program: Mary Ellen Shands, R.N., M.N., and Ellen Zahlis, M.N., both family support program managers and family consultants. Shands coordinates the support group program and facilitates family meetings, as well as the Share the Care meetings. Zahlis is responsible for the family support programs, which include the 24-hour Lifeline, workplace consultations, family meetings, and the Share the Care program. She also manages the therapist referral program. Zahlis has been with Cancer Lifeline since 1983, when she responded to a call for volunteers. Both women are also members of the University of Washington School of Nursing’s Family Functioning Research Program, which has studied the impact of cancer on families since 1987.
JFS intentionally limited the number of attendees to 12, so that it can be highly interactive and focus on the needs and particular situations of each participant. As of March 10, they had filled seven of the 12 slots, and Schnyder said they will add additional sessions later if demand exceeds the available space.
Schnyder said that precisely explaining the target audience for this workshop has proved “a little tricky.”
“The workshop is for adults concerned about how the serious illness of a parent is impacting children,” she said, referring to babies through teens. “So, for example, if a mom or dad has cancer, they could attend and could encourage their extended family to attend. The child’s day school or religious school teacher could attend,” she added. “Anyone concerned about how they can support the child and his/her parents might benefit from this workshop.”
Because of its focus on helping children through this challenge, and the role that teachers and others in the child’s life can be called upon to play, this workshop is also being co-sponsored by the Jewish Education Council, and teachers from local Jewish day schools are encouraged to consider attending. (Continuing education credits are available for participating teachers through JEC.)
Schnyder said the agency wants to avoid duplicating services that are already available in the broader secular community, from groups like the Cancer Lifeline and the Lifelong AIDS Alliance, both of which offer counseling and other support services. Therefore, one aspect of this program that will set it apart will be to emphasize a Jewish approach to the problem. Rabbi Alan Cook, Temple De Hirsch Sinai’s Associate Rabbi, will lead a text study session following the workshop.
“How do we cope with being in mitzrayim — our narrow places?” Rabbi Cook explained in an e-mail. “Looking at classic and contemporary texts, we will explore how we deal with life’s challenges, and how we maintain our faith in God in the face of such struggles.”
Schnyder said that this and two other programs that make up this year’s pilot project are being paid for by a $4,000 grant titled “Project Misheberach: Supporting Renewal of Spirit in Times of Illness,” from the Federation’s Special Initiatives fund. The April 7 workshop is the first of the three. TDHS is a partner with JFS in the grant-funded program, as well as the host of the programs.
“We see the Project Misheberach programming as being highly collaborative, bringing these programs to people in an accessible and comfortable context such as their synagogue, day school, etc. and drawing on community expertise — both from the Jewish community and [the greater] health care community,” Schnyder said.