By Mallory Mosner, JTNews Correspondent
The past few years have been a relentless journey on my path to self-discovery. Through both adversity and complacency, I have achieved a great deal of self-awareness. Yet nothing has made so deep an impact on me as my trip to Israel. My new insight toward my Jewish heritage has given me an incredible sense of self-realization — like a cartographer filling in blank spaces on a map, I finally feel like I know what I am: A Jew.
I arrived at the Alexander Muss High School in Israel program expecting little more than creating new friendships. Little did I know I was in for a magical transformation, a total metamorphosis. Combining classroom learning with corresponding field trips, I was exposed to a method of integrated experiential learning that not only fascinated me, but allowed my history to come alive right before my eyes. I embarked on a multitude of different adventures, from the arduous climb at Masada, where I observed the most extraordinary sunrise I have ever seen, to wandering around Tsfat, allowing the spirituality of the Kabbalah to overpower me.
I have learned of redemption and valiance from biblical characters such as Sampson, who vehemently fought the Philistines, and from modern heroes such as David Ben-Gurion, without whose passion and tenacity the Jewish homeland might not even exist today. The holy locations and numerous heroes all instilled in me a sense of appreciation; these provided an outline for the previously ambiguous land that now comprises my Jewish identity.
I waited somewhat reluctantly to begin my study of the Holocaust. My anxiety stemmed largely from the fact that I had already learned about this catastrophic event and wasn’t sure I had the strength to do so again.
These feelings were countered immediately once we began our in-depth study of this period. Surrounded by other American Jews experiencing the same sensations as I did, I further comprehended the impact Israel had had on me. Engulfed by tears at Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Museum, I had an intriguing realization that no longer was there an issue of capacity; no longer would I feel indifference in the suffering of my people.
Through my immersion in the Israeli culture, I had developed a palpable connection to the Jewish people that made my heart ache for the suffering my people endured. After these difficult Holocaust-filled days, we mitigated our shaken and vulnerable minds by spending a Shabbat in Bedouin tents in the beautiful Negev desert. I sat among my friends watching the sunset turn the sky brilliant shades of purple and red over the infinite sand dunes, and despite the discouraging and haunting events we had learned about earlier in the week, I felt God. The spiritual being within me that I had always sought emerged before me in that moment.
Gazing later upon the dazzling star-filled night sky, I found that I had shaded in the outlines of this theoretical continent; I discovered with great pride how my senses of passion, resilience, and adaptability corresponded directly with those of my Jewish ancestors. I knew from that moment the pivotal role of Judaism in forming my identity.
My search for absolute self-discovery will indubitably continue throughout the entirety of my life, but this rare opportunity I have been blessed with, to live in Israel, has provided me with a new outlook. The three aspects of Judaism, Torah (tradition), am (nation), and eretz (land), in just two months shaped my identity in ways that many search a lifetime to find.
I am sure several contours will be added to my map, but, nevertheless, I discovered what was the enormous gap missing in my heart, and I know now who I am: With proud and undying love, I am a Jew.
Mallory Mosner attended the Alexander Muss High School in Israel during the 2008-2009 school year and is now a freshman in college.