By Rivy, JTNews Columnist
Dear Rivy,
The first day of school is fast approaching. I dread it. Summer is so delightful and then starts the pressure of homework, the rush of activities and all the rest of the balancing acts with which we get overwhelmed . I am desperate for my children to have a successful year, but somehow I can’t ever seem to get the tone right at home regarding schoolwork and all the demands. What are steps that we parents can take to create a meaningful Jewish school year for our children?
Great question. I love school. I have wonderful fond memories of classrooms, of teachers, and of my work home for my parents to see.
The success and satisfaction of school is very much determined by what happens at home, so I appreciate your question. You have heard of the Ten Commandments; here I provide you with “The Six Suggestions: Ideas for a Meaningful Jewish School Year.”
1. The Ultimate Goal: Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our children’s homework, test scores and achievements that we forget why we are sending them to school in the first place. What is the goal of education? The rabbis struggle with the issue. They ask what is greater – study or practice?
The answer? Study is great because it leads to practice – a great Jewish answer. The reason we study is in order to behave appropriately, so the goal of education therefore is to be a mentsch, a good person. Now, that might be obvious when we talk about Jewish study, and Torah topics, maybe even history or literature, but what about science and math? How do they contribute to mentsch-building?
The rigors of intellectual pursuit create discipline, and the wonders revealed through those subject matters contribute to a sense of awe of the world and love of God. Ultimately, they lead to a devotion to doing what is good and right in the world. We need to keep this goal alive in our minds. The idea behind all of that homework and getting good grades is not the grades or the homework in and of themselves. It is to become a wonderful human being who can contribute to this world in a meaningful way, fulfill each human’s potentials and realize a life of goodness. How does this goal affect your attitude to your child’s school work?
2. Handling Homework: One of the tensions that seems to build at home is the handling of homework. I don’t want to get into educational issues about what makes for good homework or how much is appropriate for your child’s age. I would rather focus on parents handle it. This inflexible ironclad rule has always worked for me: homework gets started within the first 15 minutes of arriving home. Kids have a better chance remembering exactly what they have to do, since it hasn’t been so long since they left the classroom. I like this way better than the come-home-plunk-yourself-down-in-front-of-the-TV, eat-dinner-then-get-to-homework model. Kids learn that if they do their work efficiently they can have free time after dinner.
3. Friday Night: Shabbat is the great end of a school week. Insisting that your family gather together every Friday for Shabbat dinner will change your lives. It is an elegant opportunity to escape the manic quality of the week. At the royal Shabbat table, parents and children get to chat about what was learned in school, to talk about the highlights of each person’s week, and to relieve the tension of all the frantic comings and goings that tend to dominate the work week.
You can learn how to do Shabbat meal. The meal need not be elaborate and the efforts need not be superhuman. A great book by Ron Wolfson called Shabbat, A Family Guide will walk you through a Friday night meal and the rituals. Additionally, there are a host of Web sites that could help you, and a variety of synagogues that host Friday night dinners for beginners. Your family will never be the same.
4. Getting Dressed: This is not going to be easy. But here it goes. Kids are heading off to school dressed in dramatically inappropriate clothing that has been foisted upon them by the retailers. Even Nordstrom is hearing about it! I like to think of kids going to school like we grown-ups go to work. Does your child dress “professionally?” One of the outstanding attributes of our people is that we are modest. Our dressing differently is cited by the sages as one of our outstanding qualities when we were in Egypt. If you are uncomfortable with the way your child is dressed for school, say something about it. I know we all have to choose our battles and you have to determine your own standards, but once you have determined them, stay with them. Your child will thank you one day. This I know to be true.
5. Read, and Read More: If your children see you read, then they will read. It doesn’t get much simpler than that. There is no activity more significant to your child’s success in school than their love and involvement in reading. I am hard-pressed to think of any pleasure that even approaches the pleasure of a good book. The potential for sympathy for others, understanding of ideas and self-discovery are limitless.
6. Happy Joy!: I conclude with this: I believe in joy. A deep Jewish value is that learning and joy happen together. School and all this study stuff are supposed to bring us authentic joy and delight! This does not mean that learning is a fun, lighthearted pursuit. Rather, I suggest is we remember that our operating mode must be injected with joy, whether we are the teachers, the students, or the parents. Our sages teach that study must come together with happiness; that first letters are etched in honey, that love is the tone of the teacher, and that study brings thrills and elation to the heart. Here is hoping that all of you and your children have a joyous year of study filled with deep meaning and great satisfaction.