By Joel Magalnick, Editor, JTNews
David and Debbie Grashin are trying to get back to normal after the passing of their son Ari. Grashin, who had been battling cancer for the past year, succumbed to the disease on Sept. 23.
A fighter to the end, and even as late as August, Grashin and his family had hoped he could beat it.
“I kept being optimistic and hoping something would kick. It got progressively worse,” said Ari’s father David.
Ari, who was 16, was both well-known and beloved in the Seward Park community where he grew up. A jock by nature, Ari played all kinds of sports, but his biggest love was basketball. It was when he had trouble playing that the cancer was discovered in the first place.
Over the past year, he went through radiation treatments, chemotherapy, and some alternative therapies, and there had originally been hope he could survive the cancer. However, as tumors removed by surgery grew back and new ones continued to spread, the family and their doctors knew the outcome would not be good.
“We just kept trying to give him other kinds of medications, alternative kinds of medications,” said Ari’s father. “It was getting bad, but he was still 100 percent in his mind.”
During his last weeks, he had much more difficulty functioning, and it became harder for him to move around. Though he knew sign language, the rest of his family did not.
“We would say letters and he would squeeze our hand. He would spell out words that way,” David said. Through his squeezes, his mother was able to understand that he wasn’t afraid, and he wasn’t in pain.
His family, including older brothers Meyer and Josh, who took time off from college, and younger brother Zach, who attends Northwest Yeshiva High School, stayed with him to the end.
Though it was too soon, as the loss of any teenager would be, at around 4:00 a.m., Sept. 23, Ari took his last breath.
The outpouring of support from the community has been astounding, David noted.
“It was incredible, there were about 1,300 at the funeral, with no notice,” he said. “People flew in from all over.”
The timing of Ari’s death, during Sukkot, could not have been more strange. Because it was Hol Ha’moed, short speeches in place of eulogies were given. Shiva would have begun on Simchat Torah, usually a happy occasion, but because it too was a holiday, the public shiva did not begin until the next day. However, because Ari’s brother Meyer is an Israeli citizen, he sat shiva on Simchat Torah though the rest of his family did not. The Grashins waited 30 days for a public memorial service.
The family’s synagogue, Bikur Cholim-Machzikay Hadath, held a memorial service on Oct. 22. Ari’s friends eulogized and personified him as a leader, friend, and inspiration.
“He made sure no one was out of place. There were very few who made sure everyone was always included. It was a universal theme in everyone’s speech,” said his father.
One of Josh’s wishes was to create a foundation in his name. Though the specific functions and recipients of this foundation have not yet been ironed out, it will likely have something to do with making sure kids can participate in sports.
Now, as the Grashins move on, they must try to heal as they carry on with their normal lives. David, who used to work for the Va’ad HaRabanim kosher authority, is looking for a new opportunity. He says the family is getting by, but with more heaviness in their hearts.
Said Ari’s dad, “everyone has a mission in life. He just had to complete it quicker,