By Rabbi Bernie Fox, Northwest Yeshiva High School
Jewish education should no longer be marketed as the foundation of Jewish continuity. I have been professionally engaged in Jewish education for over 35 years. Until recently, I believed that we should promote intensive Jewish education as the only proven means of assuring Jewish continuity. My reasoning was simple. It is capsulized in a conversation I had a few years ago with a friend.
My friend is a grandfather. At the time, he was working through a very difficult decision.
One of his grandchildren was about to marry out of faith. My friend had announced to his family that he would not attend the wedding. Predictably, his position had not been well received by his wife and children. He asked me whether I believed he was acting properly or whether he should back down and attend his grandson’s wedding.
I am an Orthodox rabbi. So, I assume that my friend expected me to support his courageous stance. But I do not like to give advice. I prefer to facilitate and empower others in their own decision-making process. I pointed out to my friend that he had not provided his own children with much Jewish education. I assume that his children had followed his example and that his grandchildren had received as little or even less Jewish education than their parents.
I wondered out loud to my friend. If his grandchildren know little of the meaning of being Jewish and have only a vague and superficial identification with the Jewish people, then why should his grandchildren seek Jewish spouses? In fact, if his grandchildren did insist on dating and marrying only Jewish people, would that reflect a proud, grounded commitment to our people, faith, and our continuity? Would not such a preference reflect bias and prejudice against those not born Jewish?
My outlook has been that we want to secure Jewish continuity. This means that our children must identify with the Jewish people. We also expect or hope that our children will create their own Jewish families. But for these aspirations to be achieved, our children must find meaning in their Jewishness. Their Jewishness must be so meaningful to them that they will sustain it and nurture it throughout their lives. Their Jewishness must be so important to them that they will want to create Jewish families of their own.
That was my perspective for many years. We need Jewish education if we wish to develop and nurture in our children this meaningful Jewish identity. But our world has changed and so has the environment in which we raise and educate our children. Now, much more is at stake.
Often, I am asked about the changes I have observed in our teenagers over the past three-plus decades. I have observed some important overall trends. One of these long-term trends concerns me. Our young people increasing struggle to develop a moral perspective. There are a number of forces that undermine their development.
First, what are the values of our contemporary society in which we raise our children? One value enjoys consensus support — personal autonomy. This is an important value. We recognize that we must respect and promote the personal autonomy of every individual in our community. This value underlies our efforts to protect individual rights. To an extent, our commitment to personal autonomy also motivates our efforts to provide opportunities for advancement of the underprivileged among us. But our commitment to personal autonomy is not an adequate moral underpinning for a healthy society. Furthermore, autonomy can easily morph into extreme narcissism.
The conventional values that might complement our commitment to personal autonomy are increasingly questioned or dismissed as old-fashioned or quaint. Honesty and personal integrity, whether in business dealings or in personal relationships, has become a function of convenience. Increasingly, we — as members of a community — are unwilling to intervene when we observe evil or wrongdoing. Sexual ethics are rapidly becoming irrelevant. Sexual intimacy is increasingly a response to desire and physical urge rather than an expression of love and commitment. It is not surprising that in this context, one university after another is struggling to respond to the emerging pattern of student-on-student sexual abuse. Even more alarming is the pervasive reluctance of young people to intervene against or to report the abuse of peers.
A second aspect of our teenagers’ environment is damaging to their moral development. What is the most important issue to a serious, ambitious teenager? Virtually each of these young people is focused on college and career. This intense focus is accompanied by — and to an extent, motivated by — an increasingly competitive college admissions process. To gain admission to the universities of their choice, our high schoolers need better scores, grades, and more impressive applications than the applicants who preceded them five or ten years ago. This places enormous pressure upon our young people. Some become so intensely focused upon admission to college that there is little room in their lives to think about moral and ethical issues and to mature into responsible adults.
As a result of these influences and others, we are raising our children in a value-poor environment. Should we not want more for them?
I hope we want our children to identify with the Jewish people. But I know that every parent wants his or her children to be moral, ethical, and value driven. Our children need intensive Jewish education not just to be Jewishly committed, but also to be individuals of whom we will be proud.
When I consider the past 35 years, I feel very accomplished. So many of the young people with whom I have worked are committed to the Jewish people. Many are leaders in the community. But I am most proud of their commitment to values and living ethical lives.